Saturday, December 7, 2013

Caroling with Education Reformers

For those teacher holiday parties, perhaps some reformy holiday carols to lighten the mood.

Deck the Halls

Deck the halls with tons of data
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Test scores will decide your fate-a
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Don we now our scarlet letter
Fa la la, la la  la, la, la, la
Trolls think this will make us better
Fa la la la la, la la la la

See the Common Core before us
Fa la la la la, la, la, la, la
Crafted by those who ignore us
Fa la la la la, la, la, la ,la

Follow them, they’ll up the rigor
Fa la la la la, la, la, la ,la
While poverty keeps growing bigger
Fa la la la la, la, la, la ,la

Fast away the school year passes
Fa la la la la, la, la, la ,la
With tests that knock kids on their asses
Fa la la la la, la, la, la ,la

Sing we now of standard measures
Fa la la la la, la, la, la ,la
That rob schools of their lasting pleasures
Fa la la la la, la, la, la ,la


The Twelve Days of Ed Reform

On the first day of Ed reform that Bill Gates gave to me
A VAM accountability grade.

On the second day of Ed reform that Bill Gates gave to me
2 data walls
And a VAM accountability grade.

On the third day of Ed reform that Bill Gates gave to me
3 charter schools
2 data walls
And a VAM accountability grade.

On the fourth day of Ed reform that Bill Gates gave to me
4 school vouchers
3 charter schools
2 data walls
And a VAM accountability grade.

On the fifth day of Ed reform that Bill Gates gave to me
5 Michelle Rhees
4 school vouchers
3 charter schools
2 data walls
And a VAM accountability grade.

On the sixth day of Ed reform that Bill Gates gave to me
6 kids a-crying
5 Michelle Rhees
4 school vouchers
3 charter schools
2 data walls
And a VAM accountability grade.

On the seventh day of Ed reform that Bill Gates gave to me
7 trolls a-squaking
6 kids a-crying
5 Michelle Rhees
4 school vouchers
3 charter schools
2 data walls
And a VAM accountability grade.

On the eighth day of Ed reform that Bill Gates gave to me
8 online charters bilking
7 trolls a-squawking
6 kids a-crying
5 Michelle Rhees
4 school vouchers
3 charter schools
2 data walls
And a VAM accountability grade.

On the ninth day of Ed reform that Bill Gates gave to me
9 Broadies dancing
8 online charters bilking
7 trolls a-squawking
6 kids a-crying
5 Michelle Rhees
4 school vouchers
3 charter schools
2 data walls
And a VAM accountability grade.

On the tenth day of Ed reform that Bill Gates gave to me
10 Common Core Standards
9 Broadies dancing
8 online charters bilking
7 trolls a-squawking
6 kids a-crying
5 Michelle Rhees
4 school vouchers
3 charter schools
2 data walls
And a VAM accountability grade.

On the eleventh day of Ed reform that Bill Gates gave to me
11 TFAs a-leaving
10 Common Core Standards
9 Broadies dancing
8 online charters bilking
7 trolls a-squawking
6 kids a-crying
5 Michelle Rhees
4 school vouchers
3 charter schools
2 data walls
And a VAM accountability grade

On the twelfth day of Ed reform that Bill Gates  gave to me
12 weeks of test prep
11 TFAs a-leaving
10 Common Core Standards
9 Broadies dancing
8 online charters bilking
7 trolls a-squawking
6 kids a-crying
5 Michelle Rhees
4 school vouchers
3 charter schools
2 data walls
And a VAM accountability grade


Woe to the World

Woe to the world, PISA Day has come
Let’s all receive the news.
And Arne starts the spin.
And Arne starts the spin.
And Arne and Arrrrr-ne starts the spin.

Now every reformer says with a tear
"The end is coming near!
You see we can’t compete.
You see we can’t compete.
You see, you seee-ee, we can’t compete.”

We rule the world with free market tools
And soon we’ll rule public schools.
“Our goal’s to privatize.
Our goal’s to privatize.
Our goal, our gooo-al’s to privatize!”


I Saw Arne Kissing Eli Broad

I saw Arne kissing Eli Broad
While plotting how to close more schools last night.
“With my many, many millions
We’ll train more of Broady’s minions
To close all the ‘failing’ public schools
Before they can catch on, those fools.”

Then I saw Arne tickle Johnny King
As they marveled how suburban moms could fight.
“Those mom’s got mighty sore
When we force fed the Common Core
And now they just don’t seem to want
To listen to me anymore.”

Yes, I saw Arne kissing Eli Broad,
And now I hope that they both might get caught.
Cause what a laugh it would have been,
If Barry had only seen
Arne kissing Eli Broad last night.

Here's hoping you all have a happy, healthy and test free holiday.